The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
