shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I didn't notice because vodka
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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