The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
