hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
