Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
do herpes really smell.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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