Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
