You're my little dorito
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
