a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
