Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize