Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
found the other keg... it's in the tree
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
