I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
