apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
