Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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