you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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