I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't think brook has ever known best
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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