Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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