SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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