he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
