They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
