I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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