Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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