so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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