I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
