Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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