you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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