5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
