I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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