I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
