I cannot find my penis.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
