i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
