Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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