Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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