i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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