i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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