i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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