remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
