Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
