I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
