You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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