I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
