okay pat passed out under dana's car
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
