Are we in a gay sports bar?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
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