Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
