you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
