you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize