What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
