Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
