Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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