I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
