I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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