I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
