a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
