i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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