I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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