david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
