Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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