I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I came so hard my ears popped.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
