I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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