She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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