my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
