why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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