i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
