They should really pass out barf bags in church
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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