so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
