Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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