Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
