You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize