So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
