rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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