nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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