; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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