Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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