dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
