One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
