i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
